Update to 3.0.11 fails - MySQL error.. (cross join too big)

Our forum has around 1,2 million posts and 54 000 topics..

I get the following error when trying to update from 3.0.10 to 3.0.11.

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Progress :: SQL ERROR [ mysqli ]

The SELECT would examine more than MAX_JOIN_SIZE rows; check your WHERE and use SET SQL_BIG_SELECTS=1 or SET MAX_JOIN_SIZE=# if the SELECT is okay [1104]

SQL

SELECT p.msg_id FROM (phpbb3_privmsgs p) LEFT JOIN phpbb3_privmsgs_to t ON (p.msg_id = t.msg_id) WHERE t.user_id IS NULL LIMIT 500

BACKTRACE

FILE: [ROOT]/includes/db/mysqli.php
LINE: 182
CALL: dbal->sql_error()

FILE: [ROOT]/includes/db/mysqli.php
LINE: 224
CALL: dbal_mysqli->sql_query()

FILE: [ROOT]/includes/db/dbal.php
LINE: 170
CALL: dbal_mysqli->_sql_query_limit()

FILE: [ROOT]/install/database_update.php
LINE: 2083
CALL: dbal->sql_query_limit()

FILE: [ROOT]/install/database_update.php
LINE: 414
CALL: change_database_data()

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We use One.com as web hosting and they have the following limitations which they refuse to change:

MAX_JOIN_SIZE = 33554432
SQL_BIG_SELECTS = 0